A little sneak peek into my life recently..

To all that have been very concerned about me, my family and the condition of my grandmother, thank you very much.

She passed on peacefully at the age of 75 at Khoo Teck Phuat Hospital, on the 28/7/2015 approximately 11am.

I have to say - I am not the best granddaughter in the world.

Many times I choose to procrastinate when it comes to visiting my grandparents.

I remember telling the hubby 2 weeks ago that I will visit my grandma on the 2nd of August (supposedly this coming Sunday); but time waits for no man.

Grandma was hospitalised last Monday, a day right after the hub and I had a discussion about visiting her.

She was admitted straight into the ICU as she had issues with her gastric, most likely due to neglect of medication or possible side effects that is still a mystery to us all till now.

But all along we knew that she wasn't in such a good shape for the fact she have had two bypass surgery for her heart which weakened her each time she came back.

This week was so long - especially for my aunts, my uncles, and my mother.

It was a terrible week - a week of hope, self-denial, guilt, sadness; all over and over and over again.

Have you heard of Terminal Lucidity (回光返照)?

My grandmother had this moment where she opened her eyes wide and big to look at everyone in the ward who went to see her and even smiled when my aunt poked fun at her.

I personally also have had a one-on-one moment with her two days before she passed on where I spoke lousy hokkien language to her trying to soothe and calm her as she wanted to pull out the tubes in her mouth very badly.

While she was alive she used to poke fun at how I'm very bad at speaking hokkien and my mum would agree with her and told me to not even try. (:

The saddest moment for all of us was when we were told to be prepared to "let her go".

Doctors and nurses exubated the tubes from my grandma's mouth and we stood around her bed while she slowly withered away.

It was a very heartbreaking moment.

After approximately 15 minutes, the nurses helped her get changed into her favourite outfit and cleaned her up and the mortuary came to pick up her body to finally send her home where she wished she would die peacefully at.

The entire process keeps playing back over and over in my mind - how can a living person we love whom a week ago still have the strength to scold someone suddenly be lying motionless at the living room of her own a week after?

Grandmother was cremated this early afternoon, with all of us - her sons, daughters, grandchildren and great-grandchildren sending her off on her last journey.

Even when she's gone, she will always be living in our hearts.

And yes, heaven gained an angel.

婆婆, we all love you very much.

Thank you for every single thing you have done for us.

Thank you for the upbringing of my beloved Mummy.

I love you.

Written on 30th July, 2.03pm.

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---The entry below was initially written on 28/7/2015 2am, 9 hrs before my grandmother passed on---

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The reason why I am writing this today because it has been a long time I've taken to ranting about
my life on this space.

I am too used to this quote.

But honestly I am writing to share with those who care and also as an entry as a keepsake for my future self.

Recently many things happened - many good opportunities which I am extremely thankful for, and the bad - ~~yes my grandmother is not in very good shape.~~

~~To protect the privacy of my family, I am not going to share anything regarding her condition but right now everything is not very stabilised, that's all I can say.~~

For now I just want to be there for my family.

Especially this amazing woman - my mum.

I know I have broken her heart too many times and I'm not the best daughter, but these
recent events really showed me too much - always cherish and respect your family members.

Because you will never know what will happen tomorrow.

Yes you might always see me smiling and happy in my photos - I don't have to explain my life all the time and every single little thing that happens - I guess I'm just taking to social media at times for me to feel better when I am down because I am doing what I love and reading everyone's lovely comments makes me happy too.

On a happier note, recently...

We hung out a lot at Sunray Cafe (Doggy Cafe)